can you see the lights?
by uzumakigurl1995
Summary: Rangiku must deal with her unresolved feelings for Gin, as well as avoiding the time bomb of anger that is Hitsugaya.


"_Rangiku?"_

_ A wall of white is obscuring my vision, and as I run through the snow I can tell he's gone. _

"_Gin… where are you going?" _

"MATSUMOTO! WHY ARE KIRA AND HISAGI PASSED OUT ON MY OFFICE FLOOR?"

A better question might be why did u wake me up in the first place?

"Oh, hi captain! Was there something you wanted to know?"

Apparently I have not answered the question sufficiently because he's getting one of those frustration wrinkles in his forehead. It's a new concept to me: the idea that children can get wrinkles.

"honestly, if you want to drink like a fish and lure men into your trap, do it in your room so I don't have to deal with it. AND WHO PUKED ON MY DESK?"

It was Izuru, but since I like to see him squirm.

"Oh, was that your desk?"

score one for me! He's so funny when he's raging.

"Go make yourself useful and turn in my paperwork to head captain! And when you're done go home, and be an idiot there!"

"Got it! Well I'm off to yamato's, try not to miss me too much."

"IT'S YAMAMOTO, YOU IDIOT!"

"same difference", and with that I'll take my leave.

I know I shouldn't be walking around the Rukongai in the middle of the night, but the thought of going back to an empty room was just too depressing.

It'll be winter soon, and then everything will be lifeless and weighted down with snow, but for now everything is still bright and full of life.

I'm way passed the actual city now, and wandering around in the wilderness has it's own sense of freedom to it. On the downside though, it brings with it all kinds of painful memories. Memories of deserted homes, and waking up alone wondering when he'll come home… if he'll come home.

Why are the dreams coming back? Hadn't I served my time? Hadn't I waited enough? Worried enough? Been disappointed enough?

But cold starless nights are awful for conversation, so I guess my questions will remain unanswered for now.

There's a tree up the hill jutting out from a ledge, holding on for dear life. It's roots are sticking out from the side of the ledge and it seems as if the slightest push would send it toppling over the edge never to be seen again.

Surprisingly enough though it's actually fairly sturdy, and sitting up against it makes for an amazing view of the city. There are lights from lanterns, and stores, and homes off in the distance and they give off an inviting glow, which seems so close you could reach out and touch it. Actually doing so might get you a quick fall to death though, so for now I'll just sit and admire the display.

_"aren't the lights beautiful Gin? Don't you wanna get closer?"_

_ light reflects off of his hair and shines silver like the moon hovering just over the horizon. His smile breaks just for a second to slip out words he doesn't mean me to hear._

_ "I'm fine with observing from a distance, it always seems that the closer you get to something the less you can actually see it"_

The night's growing colder, and my breathe is forming clouds in the air which disband just as quickly as they form. Suddenly the lights which were at first so beautiful are beginning to sting and burn my eyes.

"Aren't you cold?"

I know this voice. This sarcastic tone.

" shouldn't squad ten's vice-captain be in bed? What are you doing out here?" the slightest tint of worrying is in his voice, or maybe it's just curiosity.

"I could ask you the same question Gin"

"is that an evasion?", he chuckles.

"No", I mumble, not so much for him as for myself, "no it's not".

For some reason he must find this amusing, because he sort of smirks and chuckles.

"Maybe you just needed to get away from Napoleon for a bit. So tell me how's captain Hitsugaya been treating you?"

I think I was supposed to laugh at this, but the dark is working on my eyes, making me exhausted and I don't quite feel awake up to laughing.

"He has problems with my work ethic, but what else is new. And tonight he got upset because I smuggled an intoxicated Izuru and Shuhei into his office for sake before passing out."

I might have imagined it but it seemed like, for just a split second the smile disappeared. But I must have imagined it, for sure enough there it still was.

"Well, vice-captain this is quite a turn of events. What were you thinking taking advantage of two men like that? What will people think?"

since this is only meant to bother me I'll try not to give that too much thought.

"Probably the same thing they would think if they knew I was here with you"

It really is late, I hate it when he's right but I'm suddenly near collapsing on the hard ground and sleeping here for the night.

"In that case maybe it's for the best that I go"

that was enough to get my attention. My head whips around to look up at him through the dim light of an empty sky, and I almost can't stop myself from throwing my arms around his legs and pulling him down just to keep him here… almost.

Maybe it's because years of these departures have left him sensitive to how I respond to abandonment, or maybe it's because my thoughts have finally reached him, but regardless of the reason he looks down at me with those closed off eyes and simply says something he doesn't mean me to hear.

"I'm sorry"

As he turns to walk away panic ensues and I choke out into the night, "Gin, where are you going?"

He stops dead in his tracks to turn around and as I stare up at him, he simply looks down and chuckles, "it's a secret."

And he disappears just as quickly as he came.

I lay back down and slip into the night, dreaming of a boy who is ever smiling and never happy.

The next morning I woke up with a white haori for squad three thrown over me, to protect me from the cold.


End file.
